Sunday, June 21, 2009

We are God's instrument. And this is how God comes down to us. His hands are embedded in our actions, with our faith. Thus, actions without faith or faith without actions are meaningless before the eyes of God. With faith, carried out thru actions, can God truly touch lives. Because in faith thru actions, are we showing the love of God for all of mankind.

Y Camp.

The first day
i was so out of place, a 22 among so many youngsters. i couldnt get around.
i felt so terrible i felt like walking out.

my motivation was this stranger, this boy whom was non responsive, relatively tall, and was bounded in the wheelchair. he was the only thing i was pinning my hopes for.
thou he was not here, but i was alr hopinh he could come quick.

2nd day, i prayed to God and told myself that i must make this camp a fabulous one for him. =)
I talked to him and he was still as non responsive, like the v first time i saw him. but i didnt give up. i'll never give alvin up.
the v long first half of the day passed and it was really no easy task caring for him as it was really back to basics that i had to be his limbs and hands to help him up and down, dressed up or to bath. but that didnt matter, i just wanted to get into his world. but, he still didnt open to me. I couldnt understand his needs totally, it really demoralized me. but in this camp, he is my everything and i'll do my best till i fall, just to understand him better. he was like my own little child, and i, like a single parent father, caring for him as if he was all i ever had.

something touched me deeply later on in the day as we went on for dragon boating. alvin was scared stiff, but after some encouragement, he promised me he would go down with me as long as i promised him that i'll never ever let him go. i carried him down, and i could feel his tremble, the fear of the sea. but there he was with me on the boat, with our vests link, so i can never lose him, and he'll know that i'm always be there, and there is no way i'll ever let go of him. we had fun, and the weariness and tiredness of that day wore off with tt single smile =)
i cared for him, bathed for him, never wanting to break tt v fragile barrier in his heart. i cut up his dinner nicely into small pieces, knowin he can never do it on his own. i felt great joy in knowing he needs my help in little stuff.
i slept beside him, i cheered with him, he was like a indisposable part of my body tt i felt a strong need to care for at all cost. i promise myself my resolve was never gonna falter, no matter what.
i nearly broke down at debrief tt night sharing my experience.

3rd day,
i understood how to read his actions, and he felt the need to have me around him. i was overwhlemed. he said his 1st thank you and i was so so overjoyed. my efforts put in was nothing compared to his simple yet sincere thank you.
he was again v scared of the high elements, esp more even after seeing ben giving up halfway.
i looked deep into his eyes, and i told him,"kor kor will be here for u, nomatter what, we'll do this tog, you and me. you and me together, okay? kor kor will never let u go, i promise."
he nodded his head. a simple nod, yet he wanted to do something he would never dared. just for me, i knew he took a lot of courage to give his consent. he went up slowly, one by one, and my heart pumped ever faster with each step of progress he made. finally, he was too scared, but he caught my hand. then, he lost control, i felt all my energy channels to hold him there, but inches by inches, he slipped. and he fell.

supended midair, he was kicking about vigourously. thou i couldnt see his face, but my heart was cring out for him. i knew how scared he felt. i felt the surge of energy to jump, i almost broke down on the spot. i felt a sharp pain in my heart. my child was struggling. i couldnt do anything.

yet, at the end of it, i went down, talked to him, i encouraged him, and he gave me the undefeated smile. i almost cried again. he was the strongest boy ever.



at campfire, he had to leave. the moment i dreaded most. after the campfire, he was dancing with his mummy and immediately after tt, i was going non stop on how brave her little child was. upon hearing alvin's achievement, she weeped, i cried silently in joy in my heart.
he hugged me goodbye, i could almost feel myself dying.
letting someone whom i had gave everything before self to, someone whom i gave out my whole heart to care for, someone whom i really wanted to love, was going away.
i couldnt be selfish, slowly he walked away, i watched him till he was out of my sight.
i went somewhere to cry. i really couldnt take it anymore. emotions flooded my mind. thanks to my groupmates whom were sweet to make sure i was okay. =)

i felt empty.


4day, the last day.
we woke up and took our group photos, i was sad tt the space for alvin was occupied. he wasnt there to take picture with me.
i made a wooden art piece to tell him how much i missed him, and passed it on to his teacher.

before they left, benjamin hugged me, dinesh cried on my shoulders, priscilla was crying too. i felt super touched and i really had a hard time keeping up my tears.








i hope i really managed to touched a few of their lives. my heart really goes out to them. =)
i enjoyed myself afterall, wonderful friends, great atmosphere. tweety rocks~