Monday, December 31, 2007

dun worry..
i am past that already..
at most i will just walk 700 plus steps a few times..
i promise i will be okie =)

i dunno how..but i think i am more than ready to face life again..
i am really happy =)


i think i have a few people whom i wanna thank..

and in no order of merit..

angela
hui yu
jennifer
qi qi
shay
Sue2
sworn bro
sya
winnie
xue ting

this were the amount of ppl whom were worried..
how can i still have the shame to feel despondent over my own?

but my gratefulness lies beyond what words can say. Thank you all
*90 degree bow*

i spent one good night at the camp, thinking things thru..
looking at things..i realised i cannot fall..
not like this, not now..not when everyone gets worried for me..
not when ppl ard need me..
no..
i am not gonna fall so easily again..

i will be strong! =D

maybe i just need to walk that few repetition of 700 steps to get over it also =) ( dun probe too deep about it..whatever u r thinking, its most probaly right.. but its promised tt nothing was heard tt night.. i will be fine)


P.S. : GUYS, please dun worry ok??? i am really fine..
those whom are having, PLEASE PLEASE come and find me! thank u =)

and bunny gave me an elmo puppet for christmas! hahaha!
damn sweet of him la..
he even left me a testi that almost made me teared..damn i have been crying a lot this month..lol

okie..

btw...i and ridwan was toking and he was telling me about his girl..
he described her to be someone more retarded than him (his very retarded already..) but she makes him feel very at home..she doesn't mind just hanging out without any places to go, and he feels very comfortable with her..

i just told him.."if i were u, i would do anything to win her heart. =)"

dun worry, i am not sad about anything..i am OKAY =)
i know tt regrets are nothing new to me already..
what has come and gone will never return, i guess..

so i will just patiently wait for my next Christmas morning to come..=)


but still...i need to ask this 2 qns..

1) what animals has its eyes, legs, hands, body on the eye?
2) what does the 2 movies, "6th sense" and "titanic" have in common?

please make an effort to guess and get back to me okok???lol ( i already made a lady fainted..and i wonder if she is up yet..lol)




and finally....this will be my motto from now on...

"when facing difficulties, do not become bitter...instead become better"
my world will still continue to rain everynow and then..

but..



i will always carry my umbrella with me.. =)

P.s.: the my world will rain part if not my part of my motto!!




Sunday, December 30, 2007

i had been a very cheerful, contented guy in this early part of the year..
i thought it would be the best happening year to me..

never knew it would end with half the world crashing down on me..


i am at home after out with those guys..
i am thinkin about really a lot of stuff right now..
so many stuff..endless struggles inside me..
i have to fight them..

went out with 66th and its really nice to be out with them..
really glad to see all of them again..
even thou i was very tired out from last night..

ok..let me elaborate..
i had the weirdest combi outing yesterday..
i went out with hui yu yi xiang and jun hao..
never expected tt this would all happen.. haha

but i had lotsa fun, help me feel better..
made another new friend =)


went out with 66th to have lotsa catching up and having fun and just messing around at julian place, with a dinner as finale for me..
was quite sad, affected about leaving.. but yea..
the struggles never end..

talk about our age today and everyone was just showing off their age..
which brought me back to my buddy whom didnt had chance to live to his 21st birthday.. i felt very sad.. i emo-ed for a while..

which brings me back to the beach on the night before where i emo-ed and tear quite a lot at the beach while reminising about me and my buddy..
guess i still haven really gotten over him yet.. thanks for the shoulder girl =)

and so i went on to walk along the ocean edge, and i saw my foot prints being washed off by the sand when i look back..
guess it kinda reminded me of how life is..
like how u r making the footprints..every second is for each own..once past, there will be never a same footprint there again.. =)
but it also tells me tt things will eventually end.. no matter good or bad..


sigh..
i haven been so emotional for years..
i really cant help it..
i feel very terrible being like tt also..

i need to control myself..i dun wanna step into the picture tt u have finally carved again..
i need to move on..







i need to break down soon..






who would stay with me on this lonely night..
i hate to think so much..

i just wanna go out to the beach, have a good shout..with a good cry..

its all but a fleeting dream..
please hold me back...before i lose myself again..



Tuesday, December 25, 2007

too many things too little time..

damn...i thought i was ready for it..i was already preparing myself for it the night before..
i saw it all coming..
but sigh..

had a long chat with her..i think we really thrash things out..
am kinda glad to finally see thru everything too..but i was quite sad to learn of it also..

i dunno how to feel anymore..
the old thoughts of staying single for the rest of my life becomes vivid again.. hahaha!
but i am really grateful tt both sisters stood by me when i was most vunerable
thanks to Qi whom always would be there for me..
thanks to Hui Yu whom still cares for me no matter what had happened.. =)
thank God i had my sworn bro and shay to keep mi occupied after i left her place..
really appreciate their care..

thanks to supergirl and jennifer for always ready to be there for me.. really really appreciate it.. =)

honestly..i am feeling the worst in years..
its all nothing but bad timing..

i saw this from the beginning..maybe i should have stood firm la..


i need to break down.. no more of stayin strong already...please kindly show me tlc, thank you

my mummy was really sweet to console me also..she was so worried..
now tt its at night...thats where it all comes in..it will be a long night..sigh


bring me iris..

i..
need to sit down..
close my eyes..
take a deep deep breathe..
and think thru things..

the smses wouldnt get thru,
and i am feeling damn lousy over the whole thing..

but then again..
Merry jolly happy Christmas everyone =)



Sunday, December 23, 2007

woah...



i was reading my blog and i got shocked myself..

guess i really wasnt really myself recently..



hee..so lets blog about myself proper for now..



firstly, went out for christmas exchange with the group..

me and baby coincidentally got 4 cups for our christmas gifts..lol

but its nice to see all the old faces again..

my brother was damn sweet when he came and gave me a pat to ask me to be strong.. =)

but we didnt stay for long to really catch up thou..but i will call wei you out again soon =)



me and baby then went to her friend's 21st birthday party where i got to know more of baby's secondary school friends.. whom are all really nice people =) then we went to walk a bit at cwp coz we still had time to spare and then i had to part her for dinner with my family..and so coincidentally, i met haw, luen and ting yao..lol

it was really a very pleasant surprise to see them as they were equally excited to receive me too..lol

its been sooo sooooooo sooooooooooo long already!





so yea..here i am back from dinner, bloated and tired.. guess its been rather busy for me these few days.. didnt really got to catch a proper rest due to the long nights.. but yea.. i guess i am slowly accepting the facts and taking things in a more matured way already =)







personally..

i think i spent A LOT this month..am totally eager for my next pay roll..

my phone recently got possessed and its starting to piss me off..

i have intentions to get a 950i, yet a simple 2610 seems nice enough..

recommendations anyone??







lastly..

i am really thankful for many ppl whom has been encouraging me on..

u know who u are =)

*90 degree bow*



ok, now a bit about the incoming festive season..
it never fails to warm my heart and lush a smile upon me whenever i see christmas trees and lightings, with all the christmas carols all over the place.. =)
i always loved christmas alot because it is the only festival that truly gives me the festive excitment..
and its always nice to be able to give in such occasions..gifts exchange is just a good example =)


gotta blog another time.. need to rush off!


i am finding back myself again =)



Saturday, December 22, 2007

it was just pure pain..
who would have thought that such a day would come..
even dear nanda couldnt take it and broke down..
and tears just came rolling down when we were at the viewing hall..
guess it all speaks a lot of how close that chipmunk was to our hearts..

guess his a lucky guy to have so many loved ones to see him off too =)
looking at him with his slight smile made me feel a lot better..
maybe because he didnt wan us to look sad infront of him..
he always used to tell me he hates it when ppl cry in front of him.. =)

i wish him all the best =)=)


u will never walk alone.. spiritually, we will be there at the commissioning parade =)

went for social night today and i think its pretty well done la..at least its better than what i thought it would be =)

i thought i spent a nice day with my baby...but then i dunno why i still aint really the talker in front of her as when i am in front of my friends..lol
maybe i still got more opening up to do..hopefully i dun bore my girl everytime i go out with her..

but yea..it was a great night, and we caught national treasure after the event..to conclude...pls go and watch the show..its value for money =)

and i think i really spent a bomb today...REALLY + emphasis, really need to cut down le..

and finally, i knew my posting today..hee..
i GOT INTO INFANTRY!!!!

so damn happy la.. can get to go ROC and stuff..gonna be so damn fun..
bmt...here i come :p



Thursday, December 20, 2007

many of a time..i find myself upon the verge of just giving it all up..
when the whole world seems to come crushing down me..

but i will not give up..
i will be strong for all of my loved ones =)


P.S. : sorry to everyone whom thought i was too busy.. i am also trying hard to find back myself and i swear i will recover soon from all this..


and u'll live on in our hearts forever and ever..

my section mate
my taxi khaki
my buddy
my friend
my brother

i still saw him cheerfully waving around to us on the cookhouse..
and the next minute i am looking at him, laying there peacefully..
i am totally at a loss..i cannot even think straight..

i just go crazy having to think of what he went thru during tt ordeal..
and everyone is very despondent over this loss..
esp his mum.. and i got to come across some truths tt i rather not hear..
which got things even worse..
i know its nothing, but at least i hope the whatever i bought them would help them a little here and there..
i just sincerely wish for the best for his two sisters.. they are both very strong girls... =)
the trip back with nanda and Zh was just a solid 20 mins of reminising on our bmt days where we 4 took cab back together..
i hate to go back to my bunk and having to recall on how inspired he was with his future...and what he wanted to do with his life..
i need to recover from this..

2007
its a cursed and blessed year..
i have went thru the one of the best and worse moments up to my life now in this one year..and yes, i truly hate the ending..


but i will be strong =)



Wednesday, December 19, 2007

it wasnt meant to be..


my section mate, my OCS buddy..
we had common dreams..
we were inspired for great things..
at least, he had a great future ahead of him..
we shared our problems, thru BMT and CLM we really became great buddies..

before he left for mids wing, he wrote there in my journal,


"All e best, see you at the comms parade! RAY :) 81007"

am i really tt cursed not to be at my loved ones with them at their last moments?
my grandma, then my grandpa, then now my buddy?!
i was totally devastated.. didnt even had the mood for anything..
i am still in camp but i dunno where to vent..
i dun wanna break down here..nor i wish to break down at the funeral later..
pardon me, but FUCK..
i still cant swallow any of this in..

i wonder how i can help his family..
i wonder how am i gonna face ray later..
i wonder how am i gonna face myself for not being to be with him on his last days..
why is all of this happening in such a wrong wrong time??

i need to break down..
and i almost did when i looked at his bulletin posted by his sister to ask all of Ray's friend to pay him one last visit..

Add: Ubin rd 4, hall 3..

P.S.: pay more care to the family alright? i think they need a lot more attention than anyone else right now..



Monday, December 17, 2007

didnt had time to visit my buddy,
but i got very devastated when i heard about his current state..

FYI
his still unconscious..surrounded by glass, machines, and a very heartbroken family..
if he doesnt regain conscious in 9 days, he would be suspected to have brain damage..
i couldnt even think straight for the whole day..
i'd go crazy when i tried to put myself in his shoes when all of these is happening to him..


i really am scared tt if i should go visit him on thurs, i might just break down..
i am really scared of seeing ppl in bad state already..
like my grandparents..but OF COURSE, nothing happen to raymond..
his too young for all this..he promised to see mi and at the commission parade..
he wrote it there on my journal...



Sunday, December 16, 2007

my friends went to see raymond, and they FORGOT to call me..
grrr..couldnt have a chance to see how my buddy is doing
but trivial things aside, i am really worried for raymond, his still unconscious.. i felt pain upon learning the fact tt things are still in critical condition.. i really hope tt nothing is wrong..
i dunno how or what i can do to help him..i really wonder why such kinda thing would happen to him.. why of all people, him...
sigh...
i wish he would recover fast..
he was such a friendly and lively individual..

dear heavenly Father..i pray that you would watch over him and make sure that he recovers with haste from the viral infection that his currently having.. pray that his loved ones would be taking it easier.. pray that everything would be ok..especially for Ray..pray that he regain his consciousness as soon as possible..and pray that i would be able to provide as much help as he needs..





Saturday, December 15, 2007

here i am, bloggin in camp.. while waiting for my duty for the cadets offically commissioning today =)

as a matter of fact, i am quite happy with them, and i am also happy that i just ended this service term..so tt means life is gonna get easier in time to come..
its really damn hot to be wearing the No. 1, but i think it really can exude the utmost smart-ness in a person..lol..even at some point of time i would just try to escape to the full length mirror to gaze at myself for a while...lol

well..my turn will come =) =) =)

ok, this aside..i just hope to book out sooner...
this week has been a really long one for mi...because i spent my birthday in some very dirty and muddy vegetation digging trenches for 3 days straight without sleeping..
i still can remember tt i was quite low moraled during the dig on dec 12, 12am..but coming to think of it, its quite a experience to spend ur birthday like tt..lol..but it was really damn tiring la..most of my friends(including me) could actually trip whilke standing because we dozed off for just 5 minutes..
but thru this experience, i can personally see a lot of different characters..and its quite interesting, to a certain extent.. lol

and i am really touched by those whom remembered and wished me. i really appreciate it alot =) million thanks and hugs to you guys!!

so now i am just waiting for my block leave to come, lucky i didnt kana any extras yet up to this point.. so i am gonna call everyone out and meet up with as many ppl as i can...damn i need to catch up with my social life. =)

speaking about social, social night would be another highlight i would be looking forward to sia.. thou the fee has increased, but i think its better that they put the extra money into good use.. =)
anyway, i will have to go visit raymond tml, i just got to know he got "fits" because of some virus infection in his brain...damn..i am really worried for him sia..never expected him my buddy to get this shit... pray tt his ok..

after this incident, i am really touched tt u guys stood by me, no matter what =)
*hugs* i feel so loved with u guys =)



Sunday, December 09, 2007

i need to clear this up..

it is a big misunderstanding..
everyone is mistaking each other intention.

i dunno how but i just hope the whole mess will die down soon
if it needs to, i will willingly take it all.

as usual..i find no point explaining anything..

if i am what i appear to be what i am...then so be it =)
i'm really fine by it,
i'm not denying anything =)


because many wont believe mi anyway, and those whom does wont need my explanation

it will never end as long as someone is not happy.
so let mi try to please everyone can?
i just know tt from the start, i have not done anything to aggravate the matter..
and i dun like it when ppl are getting affected because of me.
so lets all just let it be ok? peace out

on a more selfish tone..

i think i am having a really hard time trying to cope with my struggles currently..
pls let mi have a break can?
i feel like i am just being striked at from all sorts of direction mentally..just so anyone know

being helpless tt my loved ones are getting hurt and affected, causing misunderstanding to ALL my loved ones, being misunderstood by my loved ones, and having to face mental torment in camp with no one to understand what i am going thru in and out of camp..sigh


honey, thanks for the nice card, it means a lot to me..=)





Sunday, December 02, 2007

this weekend was quite well spent, maybe a reward for the very long week that i had..
haha..

i felt very happy this weekend actually.. hee =)

thou i am still quite tired..(as usual.)

and yes! my honey gave me a watch for my birthday gift! and its a fossil watch!
must be super expensive lor..i'll treasure and take care of the watch as much as i can. =)
yeap..and we watch enchanted yesterday...it was a very nice show! i think we both enjoyed it quite a lot =) it was really sweet at the ending =D

then i went for the SC run this morning...ran for the half marathon, but mi aaron and ts ran easy because we are in the midst of our training...so we didnt wanna strain too much. but it was a good run. still quite happy tt i managed to complete such a long distance for the first time in my life. =P i ran for half marathon btw... hahaha!
then we had lunch at burger king and we all went home, the bus service was terrible but the good thing was i had a good time with my honey all the way to bp =)
well...as usual..i guess i will miss her inside again...
sigh..i wish i had more time! hahaha..

anyway i think chances of entering combat e is quite high...
i guess..i will just go where ever they take me..
and i just got home after passing nanda the shirt..
so i shall go bath and get a good deserved rest.. =)

s.h.a.g.g.e.d


when the world is all messed up, would you just be with me to face it all?