Monday, November 27, 2006

aha...here i am again...blogging...hhahahahaha
hohohohohoh
hehehehehe
lol...

no la..i didnt lose any screws, jus felt much better, after taking a walk.
hee..i guess i really became strong le..in the heart i mean, not tt crybaby anymore.
everything feels normal again. i dun feel any more sting when i look at the blog pictures anymore. i guess, i jus wasnt used to the fact. now tt i am, i wont be sad anymore. hee..my feelings like went through a roller coaster today. haha..
looking forward to sch!



Sunday, November 26, 2006

One. Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And they've gotta be true.

Two. Come up with 5 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability.

Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.

Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the five false ones are!

Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

1. i can eat paraslyse alone.
2. i am gay
3. i'm a left hander.
4. i'm never contented with life, never is, never was.
5. i love smiles. they make mi melt
6. i was a "zhi bi" in the past
7. i slept for 3 days straight
8. i love going to school
9. i cannot tolerate messiness
10. i always keep things to myself
11. the one who asked mi to do this stupid thing is great
12. i have a superhero ability i cant control, stonin
13. i treat my bolster as my wife
14. study will make mi hungry
15. i hate my family members
16. i love music, singing
17. i sing in my bathroom
18. i love keeping things to myself.
19. i feel blessed =)
20. i love my life.

ppl i want to sabo!

SHAY XUE TING SUE SUE JONATHAN, actually if u wanna do can do also la..lotsa ppl love this kinda thicrngap wan..lol

today i shall blog..
with how i have been really feeling for the past recent periods.
i have to admit i was happy with all my friends, yet i cant deny tt i am in pain too..


i have not been the best for the past few periods, the few close ones would noe. i wont say i am fine this time. i guess i'll jus let it out.

i guess i was creating a nightmare for myself from the start. maybe never should i have gone into the relationship. if so, all of this hurt could have been avoid.
this was always how i felt. but i cant deny tt i have learnt, and grown alot, through the joys, the pain and agony, the lonliness in this relationship too.
i feel tt i'm a bad guy. i hate myself to treat her cold, jus because i dun wan her to have any hopes for mi. i feel from bad to worse everytime i have to tug her away when she comes near. i'm battling her feelings, my feelings and a future that wouldnt be cool for mi. i wonder why i had ever even tot of such a path, yet it seems like the most visible way for mi to head. its so lonely, filled with agony, my heart has been weeping, my body crying, i sometimes falter, and sometimes i even collapse.

i dun wan my loved ones to see mi in pain. i dun wan my mother to worry for mi, i dun wan to show a gloomy face to my classmates, i jus wan to be someone whom can brighten up someone's day because i noe how great it feels. but i guess i still suck at it.

its the hardest thing to push someone whom once "belong" to u away. this feeling i have been keeping inside. it feels so terrible, sometimes even life lost its taste. all i could think of myself is tt i am an absolutely dumb bastard, i'm ruining a future for myself.

went out with batch 6 and the two sisters for steamboat. had a great time, but when i saw the photos in her blog, i couldnt help but feel a great sting. was it because i wasnt firm on myself enough? was it because of her relentless pursue for happiness? was it even a crime to treat her nicely? was it jus karma to see her leave mi like tt? i dunno...i feel really terrible. i felt like crying. i've become weak again. i told myself tt i should let her go so she could be happier. but i forgot how to stand up again.

maybe its because i was too used to her companion..sigh..i guess i've to learnt to face the fact tt i chose. after all, it was mi whom made all the decisions, it would only be wise for mi to take the agony alone.. because of this, even until now, she doesnt noes i have this blog.

maybe this feeling will fade with time, coz i can be sure its not totally love anymore. dear God, guide mi in finding strength.




i need a good cry. i really do.



Monday, November 20, 2006

yoyo...
haven been blogging, and yet again...at this kinda time i felt like blogging, when i jus came back home, totally drenched by captain ball. hahaha...

anyway..lifes been great la..been enjoying myself in sch. hope to do so more often too. today...tt bugger wei you went to add someone in my friendster, then i forgot to remove, and when i got home, tt person accepted "my" request le...argh!

but nvm la..jus be friends lor...hee.. yeap...been busy with fyp, hope tt things will go well la...

yeap..its jus gonna be full of celebration after fyp..lolz..

anyway...i had a new ambition. if i was not gonna be successful for being a pilot, i might actually go all out for a PE teacher. hee.. i even planned things very carefully. i could try my best to get into a U, get any kinda degree, then go to some neighbourhood school, coach students in PE, teach maths, and get involved in the students life there. maybe even have future plans of evangelising there. =) i'll hold on to my plans la.. and honestly, the view of a PE teacher sounds really realistic for mi..hee..

to all the muggers going on and on for FYP, aja aja fighti, go go jia you!



Monday, November 13, 2006

realised i haven had the time to blog.. and i always wonder why my blogging adrenalines comes at the wrong hours.

anyway...cruise was fun. simply love the breezes, seems to blow away ur troubles as well.
was the care taker of many kids, but didnt really felt left out also la..enjoyed myself at the arcade, roaming aimlessly around the ship, and yea, the food!!!! hahaha...jus knew i wont forget bout it right? lolz...yea the food was absolutely fab. period.

went to catch the sunrise, wow...for so long, or should i say the first time i actually woke up so darn early to catch a beautiful sunrise..hee.. yup..

guess tts bout it.. but when i came back from the cruise. it was jus like a nightmare awaiting to unfold. e learning, reports, tests, fyp. to be honest, for the next two weeks, i'll be having a mini excursion on hell..lol...its gonna be damn stress...sorry in advance to anyone whom i might be cold to, jus because i am not showing a smile. =D heres one to make up...hee..



Thursday, November 02, 2006

so many things are happening. no one would understand.
so fed up with fyp, so fed up with my work, so fed up with the things happening around me.
it sucks, seriously.. i dunno how i can jus open up to anyone, coz i need to have a listening ear.
yet, i dun feel good to badmouth. guess being stoic isnt really easy.
sigh.. i'll be so happy after november. honest.
Sometimes, i dun even noe how i could still be smiling. hah..i must be nuts.

things are hard for me..but, at least i guess i'm still able to take it..
coz like the saying below, i need to be strong too.
guess i jus need to whine a wee bit ba.. sorry



"the only way to learn strong faith is to endure great trials."

-muller, george